Write beef poetry.

A Freudian Steak

By Jennifer Dowden

There I was, on the couch, for my weekly appointment,
Discussing my stuff with my shrink,
An obsession, you see, of the highest degree,
One of beef that’s delicious and pink.
The Ranch is named Harris; the beef is called “Angus”;
All-natural; rivaled by none.
An all-veggie diet, no hormones to blight it, USDA choice to the bone.
“So, Doc!” I exclaimed, “How can I be blamed? The steaks are so tender and thick!
Prescribe me a flank or a T-bone or shank because Prozac ain’t doin’ the trick!”
He responded with silence; no quip nor a whisper,
My shrink had shrunk into thin air …
I laid there alone, amidst his cologne,
With a note that he’d taped to his chair.
“Your obsession’s contagious!” Doc wrote in his note, “I’m indebted to you for my glee!
I’ve gone to buy rib-eyes and burgers and roasts!
There’s no charge … this session’s on me!”

The Way to a Man’s Heart

By Gina Thorne

There once was a gal named Suzie, who was sweet on a fella’ named Earl,
But Earl, he was oblivious, and Sue was a very shy girl.
So one day she gathered her courage, and invited him over to dine,
For a cozy candlelight dinner, to be served at half past nine.
The main course had to be special if it was to inspire romance;
The ingredients had to be perfect, for this may be her only chance.
So Sue rushed down to the market, to buy some Harris Ranch meat;
She knew that All Natural Premium Beef is quality that can’t be beat.
100% USDA Choice was the secret—and she was right;
When Earl stuck his fork into that tender beef, it was love at first bite.
He looked at his plate with tears in his eyes, and he got down on one knee;
Earl licked his lips and took Sue’s hand. “I’ve found my true love,” said he.
“A woman who can cook like this must be my partner for life;
Oh, my darling, Miss Suzie, will you please be my wife?”
She said, “Yes,” and they said, “I do”—all happiness, smiles, and laughter.
Then Earl and Sue and Harris Ranch Beef lived happily ever after.

Ode to the Harris Ranch Cow

By Wanda Wenman

I think that I shall never savor,
Any beef with better flavor,
Chefs and diners smile and bow,
To the famous Harris Ranch cow,
It’s all-natural premium beef,
Tender and tasty beyond belief,
Guaranteed no antibiotics, ever,
And added hormones? Never!
This beef is the gastronomic peak,
Which epicureans everywhere seek.

Beef Lover’s Chant

By Susan Reid

Whether ground or fillet,
Standing rib roast or steak,
There’s only one choice,
We true beef lovers make.
It’s all-natural Angus
With superior taste,
To settle for less
Would just be a waste.
With never a hormone,
incredibly tender,
The Ranch known as Harris
consistently renders
A premium beef that’s
All USDA choice.
So when we crave beef,
We demand with one voice:
“Give us Harris, oh Harris,
The Ranch of choice meat,
From the Nugget, the store
Where the beef buying’s sweet!”

Rhythm & Beef

By Snake Eyes T. Valentine

My physique is just so ripped and smoov,
I’ll tell you how I got it while I kick in my groov,
Don’t need no hormones to beef up my pecs,
‘Cuz Harris Ranch Angus done make me the rex,
It’s all veggie fed—tastes better than the othas,
This is the only beef fo’ real jive soul brothas.

A Limerick

By Thelma Lee Gross

Tender Harris Ranch beef is delicious
Veggie fed, hormone free: it's nutritious!
Natural Angus is best
Harris Ranch does the rest
So from Nugget, enjoy, with best wishes!

Beef Poetry

By Holly Guenther, Liz Beloau, and Lucy Gierhart

‘Twas the night before barbeque and all through the yard,
The chairs were set up, this won’t be too hard.
But what shall we cook? Beef, it’s delicious;
Everyone will be eager to fill up their dishes!
I ran to the store to see what’s on sale,
But most of their choices made me quite pale.
I wanted no hormones in my barbeque meat,
Is what I desired too great a feat?
A light suddenly shone from heaven above
Leading me to the steak I would love.
By grilling all natural Harris Ranch beef
I knew I’d be seen as the barbeque chief.

Get the Flash Player to see this video.